My daughter is in a stage production of Disney’s “The Aristocats: Kids” this fall, and as you might suspect, we’ve seen the movie a couple of times at our house since she joined the cast. Plus, I’m running the sound for the show, so I’m at every rehearsal, nodding my head to “Ev’rybody Wants to Be a Cat” and “Thomas O’Malley”. It’s a cute musical.

Oddly enough, the stage production is a better story than the movie. Now we can certainly forgive a 30-minute children’s stage show filled with musical numbers when it skimps on the character development and arcs, since (from the parent’s perspective) it’s merely an exercise to get our 5-12 year olds off their tablets and out of the house for a while. But the movie? I have some words.

For purposes of this post, I assume you have seen the film. If you haven’t, there’s still plenty to learn from the discussion below, so feel free to keep on reading. I’ll do my best to fill you in on the necessary details. Or go watch it first and develop your own impressions.

To be blunt, The Aristocats (1970) is not a good story, structurally. It is an entertaining movie, but flawed. Oh, so flawed. Off the top, there is the unfortunate racist depiction of the Siamese alley cat. It was common to the era, but it isn’t a good look in a children’s film. It’s about as bad as the crows in Dumbo, but he’s not in the film as much. The very beginning of the movie (available on Disney+) has Disney’s standard disclaimer regarding racist content seen ahead of a number of their older films. They acknowledge the mistake. We move on and vow never to be that awful in our own stories. Beyond that, there is the nonsensical combination of Parisian alley cats and jazz, which while fun, make about as much sense together as peanut butter and traffic cameras. And the interesting inclusion of two hounds that talk like old American war veterans. On a French farm. In the movie, they only serve as foils for the bumbling butler villain Edgar and never even come across the Aristocats. They’re only in a couple very cartoony scenes that would have fit in more in a Roadrunner vs. Wile E. Coyote Looney Tunes sketch. In the stage show, they cross paths with the cat family briefly, which makes their inclusion at least somewhat relevant to the protagonists.

But I want to talk about characters and their journey. Specifically, we’re going to go into the protagonists themselves, the Aristocats, but we’ll discuss Abraham Delacey Giuseppe Casey Thomas O’Malley the alley cat too.

The Aristocats features only an external journey for our main protagonist, mama Duchess, and her kittens Berlioz, Toulouse, and Marie. They are kidnapped by Edgar so that he eventually inherits their owner Madame’s fortune instead of the cats. Duchess and kittens have to make their way back home to Paris. That’s the journey. External-only stories are usually action/adventure/fantasy/scifi fare, and I guess you could lump The Aristocats into the adventure category, but that’s a bit of a stretch.

Here’s why. Throughout the film, things happen to the Aristocats. Actually, everything happens to the Aristocats. They don’t do anything. The world moves around them from safe at home to being catnapped by Edgar to being found in rural farmland by alley cat Thomas O’Malley to being escorted back to Paris by Tom and some geese to being captured by Edgar again only to be rescued by Tom’s alley cat friends, a mouse (Roquefort), and a horse (Frou Frou).

The Aristocats do nothing across all of this, except play the role of victims. That’s not a satisfying experience for an audience or reader. The Aristocats make no choices. Help arrives right when they need it, and they don’t have to do a thing. Perhaps there was a subversive message here that the world bends in order for the wealthy to get what they want? I kind of doubt it’s that subtle. It’s just bad writing.

In order for a story’s protagonists to complete a satisfying journey, either external or internal, they need to earn it. Make decisions. Take action. Grow. The Aristocats are cute, the songs are fun, and Edgar’s buffoonery draws laughs, but beyond that, nothing changes for the heroes from beginning to end aside from Edgar being shipped to Timbuktu, and Thomas coming to live with the Aristocats. Externally, the cats don’t save themselves through action or choices, they are instead rescued. Internally, nobody grows past their flaws or learns anything, except that butlers can’t be trusted. And everybody already knows that.

As it stands, I would rate The Aristocats 1/5 on story and 3/5 on entertainment value. Now that’s all well and good. Who doesn’t love to point out the flaws of a bad movie or book? There are plenty to choose from.

The real exercise here for us writers hoping to improve our craft, is to not only recognize a story’s problems, but identify ways and methods to make it better. So that’s what we’re going to do. We are going to redesign the Aristocats into something much, much better. And then Disney will want all my ideas to do a live action remake of it and make a bajillion dollars. They are welcome to call me. Here we go.

Let’s start with Duchess. She’s flawless. Her owner is wealthy. Looks beautiful. Acts beautiful. So well-mannered, and oh, so boring. She needs flaws and conflict in her life to be relatable and give her character room to grow. This is easy. She’s going to come across alley cats. So, she hates alley cats. They smell. They’re rude. They’re filthy. They’re a bad influence on her kids. Give us a 15-second scene where her owner Madame is out on the town walking them in a buggy and they pass an alley full of cats in the trash. Duchess scoffs and knows she is better than them. Innocent Marie asks “What are they doing in the trash, Mama?” Duchess responds with disgust. “Who knows? We don’t associate with the likes of alley cats.” And she diverts the children’s attention to something clean and shiny and more Aristocattish. That’s as much setup as we need (in a children’s animated movie) to set the stage for her encounter with Thomas O’Malley and the jazz cats later. Instant 1/2 star rating improvement for 15 seconds of screen time.

And since the Elixir at the end of the story is that Thomas comes to join the Aristocats’ family after they make it home, setting her up that way is an absolute must. If you want to make her even better, use the actions of her kids to break down Duchess’ perfect world over time, and teach her the value of finding value in everyone (in other words, the alley cats and Thomas). They do half the necessary set up already. At the start, Duchess is teaching her kids manners, painting, music, and proper etiquette at the table – er, dish of cream, but the kittens are reluctant to comply – barely. Ramp up that conflict a bit and it would be a great setup. As they go through the story, the kids, now exposed to the big bad world, and finding enjoyment in things that the hunting dogs, geese, and alley cats do, wonder why as Aristocats they too can’t enjoy those same things at home. Through her children’s eyes, Duchess starts to see that value, and as they make their way home, comes around to Thomas as a person (cat). As Thomas joining the family is the Elixir at the end, there needs to be some element of Duchess’ life that he fulfills. Maybe she can’t get the kids to practice on their own and has to sit down with them for their music session. Maybe she wants to have a career and is obligated to be at home taking care of the kids instead. Maybe they lack worldly wisdom, despite her teachings (this is best as it mirrors what Thomas and the alley cats will teach them). Extra credit if the problems with the children cause friction with Madame (maybe she takes the kittens’ bows away for bad behavior). The addition of Thomas at the end has to resolve some issue of hers at the beginning. Another 1/2 star improvement.

In the movie there’s just a hint of love story there between Thomas and Duchess. Only the faintest wisps. So we need to identify a flaw in the Aristocats’ existing world that the love story will resolve to give it some legs. Easy again, and it’s given like three seconds of service right when the Aristocats meet Thomas when one of the kittens says they’ll never have a father. So let’s set that up by identifying that wound earlier in their ordinary world with one of the kittens saying “I wish we had a father” when Duchess is tied up with a photoshoot or something with Madame, and the kids are bored with nothing to do. Duchess hears it and feels the internal pain of that lack. Now, when tom cat Thomas (be more creative with your names, yo) enters their life and gets friendly with Duchess, but shies away from her when he learns she has three kittens, the conflict is there for the audience when Thomas is being ne’er-do-well O’Malley the alley cat. He’s a free spirit. He doesn’t want responsibility. He’s not the correct puzzle piece for Duchess. Conflict! Character depth! Add another 1/2 star rating.

Now let’s fix Thomas for a moment. In the movie, he’s all say one thing, and do another. We’re told to believe he’s an irresponsible rapscallion alley cat (telling), when in fact in action, he’s responsible, protective, and heroic (showing). Which is fine for his true character. But those qualities have to have a chance to be pulled through the hardened exterior blanket of indifference and self-centeredness, earned through a hard life of alley catting.

After Edgar dumps the kitty basket into the farmland river and the Aristocats find themselves lost, in walks O’Malley. In the movie, he saves the day. That’s no good. He’s not the protagonist of this story. He’s an Ally for the Aristocats. So let’s make them find him. They get out of the river and start walking down the path. And through their choice and initiative, they come across Thomas. Here’s a good spot for Duchess to still be Duchess and react with disgust at Thomas. He’s lazing about like an alley cat would. Fish bones on the ground. Fur unclean. Still, they’re lost, so (with encouragement from the kids) Duchess asks for help. He refuses. Duchess quickly accepts the answer and turns the kittens to the path to keep going. Thomas lets them walk for a moment, but then asks where they were going. “Paris,” Duchess responds. “Paris is thattaway,” Thomas says with a grin, pointing in the opposite direction. This simple, unexpected kind gesture by an alley cat surprises Duchess, and we see the first crack in her ordinary world impression of alley cats. Growth! Add another 1/2 star.

We need to toss a second call to adventure to Thomas since he’s already refused his first (and yes, side characters with their own character arcs – and Thomas is gonna get one – can follow their own Heroic Journeys). This is a fine point for feisty kitten Toulouse to ask Thomas to teach him how to be an alley cat. This amuses Thomas and draws him in, and provides one of those conflict points for Duchess as her kids choices on the adventure start to pull conflict strings on her impression of alley cat life. We need some throwaway comment that he’ll come along, so long as he doesn’t get stuck in any dark or tight spaces. We’ll take advantage of that claustrophobia later.

Duchess needs to make a choice here to allow Thomas to engage with Toulouse, but she does so reluctantly in order to get O’Malley to come along. What Thomas talks to Toulouse and the other kittens about though is unexpected. Independence, freedom, self-reliance, standing up for yourself, and the pursuit of happiness. Good qualities. Not expected of an alley cat. That’s great. Now add some conflict. Duchess warms to Thomas a little more. Thomas, sensing the growing affection from the family and the approach of responsibility, backs off and instead of continuing, hastily takes off, advising the family to keep on the same path and they’ll make it home in no time. Changes in momentum! Another 1/2 star, and we’re just getting going.

Conveniently, this is where they cross the railway bridge. Marie falls into the river, and Thomas (still keeping a remote eye on the Aristocats) rescues her. Now we’ve seen a hint of the real Thomas, breaking through the façade of alley cat O’Malley.

Let’s assume the Gabble Girls geese have rescued Thomas, adding the necessary comic relief. We need to provide some agency now to Duchess to make another choice that helps the group get back to Paris. Time to give her a Test. Maybe she can take advantage of her privilege and read signposts where the rest can’t, so she guides the group with her knowledge over Thomas’ instincts (which can cause some enjoyable friction between them, and may make Duchess second-guess her growing affection for Thomas). Character conflict? You don’t say!

The encounter with the jazztastic alley cats is a perfect Ordeal moment for Duchess, as they will completely pull the kids away from their Aristocatic bearing, letting them improvise, dance, and have fun with abandon and unexpectedly shed that behavior that was vexing Duchess in the beginning. In doing so, the kids yank at conflict strings on Duchess, breaking down that prejudice she has against alley cats. To the point where she herself, all prim and proper, starts to let loose. She and Tom dance, laugh, and escape for a private moment on the rooftop, which actually happens in the movie (but without the earlier set up, it’s just not that effective). The two get close. Duchess and Thomas are about to admit their feelings for each other and touch noses or do whatever it is that cats do. Then from below, one of the now-sleepy kittens asks “Where is Madame?” and Duchess is drawn back in to her old world. Madame would never accept an alley cat. She rejects Thomas, and fails in the Ordeal. Structure! Choices! Another 1/2 star.

So what are we building up to? A final choice that helps earn Duchess her reward.

Duchess gets the kittens back to Manor Madame, much to their owner’s delight, and Edgar’s chagrin. This completes the Road Back segment of the Hero’s Journey, but the entire external journey is not yet finished. Edgar makes another grab for the cats, intending to send them to Timbuktu. Since he’s a bumbling butler, he will have missed Duchess. This is absolutely critical, as she needs to take action to save the day and earn her reward. If we’re doing things absolutely right, Thomas is unintentionally caught in her stead, so she ends up having to save him too. Remember that throwaway claustrophobia we gave him? Not so throwaway now. He flips, stressing the kittens, and ramping up the tension.

Small aside here: I am more or less eliminating Roquefort and Frou Frou from the plot. They’re darlings that should have been cut. They can exist as cute worldbuilding extras, but we don’t let our heroes be rescued in the climax by side characters.

Ah, but don’t the alley cats come in to save the day too? Yes. But here’s the difference. Duchess will choose to go get their help. She’ll have the choice of seeking out Madame (and her old life) and whatever assistance the slow old lady can muster, or racing back to Chateau d’O’Malley to get the jazz cats, because she 1) knows they’re the right people/cats for the job, and 2) has accepted them as worthwhile people and that her prior prejudice against them was wrong. We’ve grown. We’ve made a choice. Now, let’s save the kittens! Another 1/2 star here.

Having cut Roquefort and Frou Frou from the festivities, we’ve lost a lot of the comic buffoonery of the stable setting where the climax takes place. Yet, we already have a ready, and dare I say, better and more fitting, replacement. Duchess has brought the alley cats. They meet up with Edgar in the alley where he’s waiting with the trunk holding the napped kittens and Thomas. How are Duchess and the alley cats to defeat the villain? Use what they have. The instruments. The final sacrifice in the Resurrection is the alley cats’ beloved jazz. A guitar string picks the lock. A drumstick through the shoelaces trips up the villain. And quickly, to wrap up Thomas’ arc, he needs to make a final choice here. Edgar is down and the trunk is opened. Thomas is free and still freaking out from his confinement in the trunk. He sees an opportunity to escape and get back to his old life. But he stays with the kittens (and Duchess). He makes the responsible choice, as we knew he would.

And after many blows to the cranium to the tune of a trumpet, drums, cymbals, guitar, and perhaps even a piano (which Duchess and Thomas both help to drop), Edgar is thwarted. He tumbles into the trunk and is carted away to Timbuktu.

Now to reward the heroes. This will be fun for the audience, and so much more fitting, given the journey the cats have been through. There are so many here we need a list (and some of these do happen in the movie, but aren’t earned like we just made the protagonist do).

1. Duchess and Thomas admit their mutual feelings.
2. Madame, having seen the battle, strikes Edgar from her will.
3. Madame recognizes the kittens’ improved behavior. She gives them their bows back, new and sparkling.
4. Madame takes a shining to Thomas and says she’s always liked the idea of a man about the house (making flirty eye winks to the old lawyer who’s been helping with the will).
5. Madame replaces the jazz cats’ instruments and creates a foundation for alley cats.
6. Thomas joins the family, giving the kittens the father figure they wanted and Duchess a companion she lacked.

Add a full star rating for the resolution.

So there you have it. We’ve turned a 1 out of five 5 stars mess in to a 5-and-a-half stars masterpiece of a story. Wasn’t that hard, was it? I’ll be waiting for that call, Disney.

M